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You know your baby’s a Toolmonger if:

  • His favorite outside activity is watching dump trucks and loaders at the worksite.
  • As soon as he can crawl, he’s chewing on your work boots.
  • He likes sawdust better than banana.
  • He uses every object as a hammer.
  • He prefers trucks over racecars.
  • He seems to be using drool as cutting fluid for his teeth.
  • Animal sounds are beyond him, but he makes engine noises.
  • Building blocks are an opportunity for demolition.
  • He cries when you vacuum, but not when you run the drill press.
  • Even wearing a diaper, he sports a Toolmonger’s crack.

Thanks to terinea for the baby Toolmonger entertainment photo!

Toolmonger Photo Pool [Flickr]

 
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Sometimes Toolmonger news just rolls into my e-mail! Rod sent the following “press release” along with the picture above:

Just thought I would show you a picture of the new nail gun DeWalt just came out with…this baby is a Man’s Tool!

It can drive a 6-D nail thru a 2 X 4 at 200 yards.

This makes construction a real breeze — you can sit in your lawn chair and build a fence.

Just get the wife and kids to hold the fence boards in place while you sit back, relax with a cold drink — when they have the board in the right place, just fire away.

With the hundred-round magazine, you can build a fence with a minimum of reloading.

After a day of fence-building with the new DeWalt rapid-fire nail gun, the wife won’t ask you fix or build anything else.

We likey. Just make sure the fam is wearing safety goggles, and some Kevlar.

 
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Toolmongers know that tools don’t always perform the way we want ’em to. Similar to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary, “What a Mechanic’s Tools Do” tells the truth about what really happens with some common tools. Here are a couple of examples:

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

These definitions got a few chuckles out of me, but I’d really like to hear Toolmongers’ takes on common tools. What definitions would you give? Tell us in comments.

Note: Thanks to Flickr member spacematters for the photo.
What a Mechanic’s Tools Do [SodWork.com]
Toolmonger Photo Pool [Flickr]

 

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