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You know your baby’s a Toolmonger if:

  • His favorite outside activity is watching dump trucks and loaders at the worksite.
  • As soon as he can crawl, he’s chewing on your work boots.
  • He likes sawdust better than banana.
  • He uses every object as a hammer.
  • He prefers trucks over racecars.
  • He seems to be using drool as cutting fluid for his teeth.
  • Animal sounds are beyond him, but he makes engine noises.
  • Building blocks are an opportunity for demolition.
  • He cries when you vacuum, but not when you run the drill press.
  • Even wearing a diaper, he sports a Toolmonger’s crack.

Thanks to terinea for the baby Toolmonger entertainment photo!

Toolmonger Photo Pool [Flickr]


Sometimes Toolmonger news just rolls into my e-mail! Rod sent the following “press release” along with the picture above:

Just thought I would show you a picture of the new nail gun DeWalt just came out with…this baby is a Man’s Tool!

It can drive a 6-D nail thru a 2 X 4 at 200 yards.

This makes construction a real breeze — you can sit in your lawn chair and build a fence.

Just get the wife and kids to hold the fence boards in place while you sit back, relax with a cold drink — when they have the board in the right place, just fire away.

With the hundred-round magazine, you can build a fence with a minimum of reloading.

After a day of fence-building with the new DeWalt rapid-fire nail gun, the wife won’t ask you fix or build anything else.

We likey. Just make sure the fam is wearing safety goggles, and some Kevlar.


Toolmongers know that tools don’t always perform the way we want ’em to. Similar to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary, “What a Mechanic’s Tools Do” tells the truth about what really happens with some common tools. Here are a couple of examples:

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

These definitions got a few chuckles out of me, but I’d really like to hear Toolmongers’ takes on common tools. What definitions would you give? Tell us in comments.

Note: Thanks to Flickr member spacematters for the photo.
What a Mechanic’s Tools Do [SodWork.com]
Toolmonger Photo Pool [Flickr]