At the Bosch 2010 Global Leadership Tour yesterday, we found the answer to several questions that have plagued the industry for years. One, can a bunch of tool writers build and decorate a bean-bag toss set in under two hours? And the other — do the judges of the build at Bosch understand fundamental laws of the universe?
It would seem that the answer to the first of the questions is yes. Ten teams completed ten bean-bag toss sets in the allotted time and, in most cases, they did indeed come out looking like the specified design. We of course were given tons of Bosch tools to build with, and though our team was one man short of four — our Bosch rep, my homie Clint from ProTool Review, and myself — we constructed our work of excellence without issue in the allotted time.
Here comes the great tragedy of the event. Clearly Clint and I knew the fundamental design laws of the cosmos. We correctly determined that flames make anything better by measures of magnitude; flames are the very essence of good design. Everyone knows this. Everyone, that is, except the Bosch judges. When first place for decoration was awarded, the cruel and harsh mistress that is the ignorance of good sense struck us down. Another less-worthy design won the day. It’s a damn shame. The loss will eat at our hearts for the rest of our days.
The devastating blow will be comforted by the fact that I won the raffle to have them sent home and am going to do the right thing here when it arrives back at the shop. Not Russian-ice-skater-right thing but the right thing according to the Toolmonger rules. Yes, my friends: It will involve fire.
Another consolation is that in the bean-bag toss competition afterward, Toolmonger team members took both first and second place — proving that in the clutch, your TM team is slightly less awful at tossing a bean-bag than some other tool guys, and that is something — maybe.