Think your kid’s macaroni art proudly pinned to the refrigerator is the ultimate in child show-off material? You’re not even close, my friends. Check this little guy out. It’s not a joke and it’s not a trick: that is a three-year-old driving a small excavator.

I’ve never been so green with envy in all my life. I’ve seen adults that aren’t as good with a digger as this kid is. My biggest accomplishment at age three was not chewing on the dog and this youngster can drive heavy machinery. He’s going to throw the bell curve way the heck off in school someday.

If I were Caterpillar or Komatsu I’d throw a bucketload of cash at this prodigy and his dad right now and start a global campaign with a tagline that went something like, “Our machinery is so reliable and easy to operate, even a three-year-old can do it.” Or perhaps “Komatsu, for those born to dig.”

3-Year-Old Successfully Operates Heavy Machinery Video [TechEBlog]

Chainsaws are cool — they’re also dangerous and can bite you pretty hard if you don’t handle ‘em carefully, but they’re really cool.  The folks at Stihl are trying to make ‘em even cooler by adding low-emission features to their saws, without nerfing the power.  Enter the MS 211 C-BE chain saw, which sports all their best features for occasional-operation saws plus some green additions thrown in for good measure.

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When someone says, “Let’s take the car for a spin,” you might not want to hop into the passenger seat so fast. The Roller Hoop auto body rotisserie allows professional and DIY restorers to more easily work on the underside of a stripped body.

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If the Polar Express ever got stuck, they’d have to send this rig to go get it.  There’s just something cool about a snowblower hooked up to a train that makes me want to live further north.

Then again, this choo-choo isn’t for show.  It’s a hardworking train with some serious work ahead of it, and I’m a big sissy when it comes to shoveling snow.  Even with that straight in my mind, I think I’d still get in line to run this thing into a few snow banks.

Serious Snow Removal [YouTube]

This is either a badass excavator lifting itself up a specially designed tower, or a masterful Photoshop job.  I’m guessing it was a publicity stunt and someone was actually crazy enough to do this — though I can’t imagine wanting to stand around while it perched on top of the tower and balanced on the arm.

I hope this thing was piloted by remote and no one was actually strapped in the thing, especially for that last photo.  Then again, companies have done crazier things in the name of marketing than dangling a multi-ton piece of equipment from its hydraulic arm.

Pumping Iron [Funpic]

Your job is to log that forest the environmental protesters may or may not have sabotaged last week.  Are you going to cut it by hand because it’s too dangerous to use a chainsaw?  Heck no!  You break out your RENS P-4000 Metal Detector.

RENZ designed this self-calibrating, fully automated metal detector especially for logging.  It doesn’t require any manual adjustments, so there’s little or no training needed to operate it.  Just make sure there’s no metal nearby, then pass over the entire surface of the log or tree with overlapping sweeps to ensure you’ve scanned the whole thing.

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When Sean finally gets his second bulldozer, and he invites you over to the Dozer Derby, make sure to bring lift bags like these — sure enough, when Toolmongers start goofing around with heavy equipment, they’ll have to fix it whether they broke it or not.  Unless the dozer weighs more than 70 tons, these bags’ll be able to lift it off the ground.

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This photo of a worker inspecting the wreckage of the JPMorgan Chase Tower in Houston may be my favorite image from the hurricane thus far — it pretty much sums up what happens when a tool guy arrives on the scene.

Were it us, our first action would be to swear out loud, several times if necessary. Then we’d do what he’s doing — assess the situation and find a place to start. We can almost hear the conversations between him and the office: “Yeah, Murray, it’s me.  Hey, bring the dozer, the big shovel, and a couple dozen boxes of heavy-duty trash bags on your way out here.”

Hurricane Ike Photos [National Geographic News]

The largest of Eriez’s SafeHold RPL lifting magnets can lift 7,000 pounds — that’s more than most cars weigh. Typically you’d use their magnets to transfer steel or iron. The magnets don’t mar finishes like slings, hooks, or cables can. Best of all, they don’t overheat, don’t require batteries or separate power supplies, and they’re always ready to use, unlike electromagnets.

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How do you know your hoist will load 16 tons? This hoist load tester from Harrington Hoists can measure a hoist’s lifting ability up to ten tons — and a little more, for a good margin of error. (This baby could cause some serious “test to failure” situations.) Most Toolmongers’ll never need this kind of load tester, but knowing what kinds of tools are used to make and test tools is interesting all by itself.

If you really need a load tester like this one, you’ll have to get a quote from Harrington Hoists or one of their distributors.

Hoist Load Tester [Harrington Hoists]

You pop your grease gun onto the zerk fitting and try to pump, but instead of moving the pump handle your arm just stops. You’ve got yourself a clogged fitting or joint. Replacing the fitting and trying again is easy enough, but what if the joint still doesn’t take any grease? Instead of replacing it or taking it apart give the Grease Joint Rejuvenator a try.

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When I was I little boy, I thought the pallet trucks they used around the grocery store were the coolest toys. Now that I’m older and my dreams of being a stock boy have been crushed, I still think they’re pretty neat. You can buy your aspiring little stock boy or girl his or her very own pallet truck from Northern Tool for $190.

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I stumbled across this deal at Sportsman’s Guide — strange place to buy a vise, I know. You can get this KR Tools 3-1/2″ cast iron bench vise for $5 when you apply the code “SH638″ at checkout. Rated at 8,000 PSI, the vise features replaceable steel jaws, dual-locking 360-degree swivel base, chrome-plated handle, and a striking anvil on the top. It weighs about ten pounds, which makes shipping about $5 to most locations.

Bench Vise [Sportsman's Guide]
KR Tools [Corporate Site]
Street Pricing [Google Products]

Don’t stand in the bucket of your front-end loader to trim trees! With this tool, you’ll never have to worry about ending up in one of our Doh! posts again, at least not for light tree trimming work… The 68-lb. LimbHog attaches quickly to the auxiliary hydraulics of your front-end loader, offering an eight-foot reach from the bucket and a chain speed of 5,000 RPM. This’ll trim a lot of trees in a hurry.

You’ll probably find this most useful if you manage an orchard or tree farm. But if you just want to open up the jungle on your property to the point you could call it a grove or even a clearing, the LimbHog could make it easier — so could a front-end loader!

Amazon lists the LimbHog for $2,500.

LimbHog [Corporate Site]
Via Amazon [What’s This?] [What's This?]

Most of us will never need a single clamp that holds seven tons — hell, most of us will never need a combination of clamps that collectively hold seven tons — but if you’re supposed to move some big equipment at highway speeds or across stormy seas, or if you just need to hold down a tarp in a tornado, then you may need the Flash Clamp.

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Powerful magnets are cool — powerful magnets that switch on and off are even cooler — and magnets powerful enough to lift a manhole cover rank way up there on the coolness scale. This Magswitch manhole-lifting magnet can lift manhole covers up to 400 lbs!

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Doh! Tie down your load, know the length, know the height! Obviously this story happened in 2006, but breaking S#!$ is cool any time. Check out more photos of this whoopsie on Snopes.com.

While we’re on the subject of bridges, when was the last time you watched a video of the Tacoma Narrows bridge collapse? Structural failures, machinery failures, tool failures — Toolmongers usually arrive on the site before anyone else, either containing or cleaning up the mess.  And sometimes a Toolmonger pulls a Tim “The Toolman” Taylor stunt.

Let us know in comments about the failures and mistakes you’ve seen.

Hoe Down [Snopes]