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A couple of years back, an “upscale” North Texas community’s HOA published a list of proscribed doings which included–and I’m not kidding here–parking a pickup truck on the street or in a driveway visible from the street. No, really. Luxury trucks, however, like the Lincoln Mark LT don’t count. “It doesn’t look like a pickup,” the HOA chairman told local media; “It’s fancier.”

I don’t point this out to make fun of the HOA (which others have already done in spades), but rather as a great example of just how crazy the excess of 2007-8 got in terms of trucks. The luxotruck market started with the Lincoln Blackwood, essentially an F-150 crew cab with a few slightly different body parts, a fancy leather interior, and a bed turned into a large, square, crappy trunk via a permanently-fixed electric bed cover. For these bonuses, buyers shelled out just over $50k–almost $20k more than the most expensive F-150 of the time. GM followed with the Escalade EXT, a similarly-dolled-up version of the Chevy Avalanche. To cut a long history short, the Blackwood became the Mark LT in 2005, and bit the dust in 2008 after the economy took a big bite out of the more-money-than-brains market. The Mark LT lives on, though, in a more work-friendly format: the F-150 Platinum, which (what a concept!) has a functional bed. 

Bottom line: trucks without beds aren’t trucks. They’re crappy cars, and they’re the epitome of the wannabe culture. It seems even the GQ crowd agrees, naming the Mark LT one of its “Douchiest Cars of All Time,” awarding the EXT honorable mention.

Just to be clear, we have zero issue with the idea of decking out your truck. Though we tend to prefer trucks that get the job done for less, we certainly don’t believe that hauling stuff means you should be stuck with no amenities. We just can’t get behind the idea of a truck without a bed, or a truck that carries a price large enough to buy another truck–and doesn’t offer any functionally superior capability.

That said, we do take issue with a few of GQ’s other “douchiest cars.” They hate the Trans Am, for example, citing the bird’s giant hood decal, “steamship levels of understeer,” and poor performance as douche-factors. We humbly suggest that they missed the point. Sure, the stock small-block won’t get out of its own way, but a number of GM crate motors make for an easy swap, delivering more power than anyone really needs. And who buys a Trans Am for the handling?

GQ also dumps on the Dodge Viper, correctly pointing out that it’s difficult to drive and pretty low on creature comforts. It’s just that “hot, smelly,” and loud functionality that we like–because it pisses them off.

Anyway, let us know (as always) what you think. Is the LT really a great deal? Did we miss something?

 

5 Responses to Even GQ Hates LuxoTrucks

  1. Mr. Patrick says:

    I agree whole-heartedly on LuxoTrucks. A Virginian country band puts it perfectly:

    There’s a brand new F150 on every lane of 35
    Some banker in Dallas sure as hell don’t need a 4-wheel drive…

    I love seeing a well-used work truck or off-roader. But I think if you can/need afford a toy-hauler, you can pick up a more reasonable commuting ride.

  2. Jerry says:

    Darned luxotrucks came along too late. A decade or two earlier and they would have been the perfect vehicle for the then (wealthy) “gentleman farmer.” On the other hand, some of the trucks I see every day are more than just a little silly in their own way. Lifted, huge mudder tires, stack exhausts, etc and never getting off the pavement since “it could get scratched and I have a lot of money in this rig!” I miss my old 1957 International 3/4 ton. Put it in granny gear and you could tow elephants.

  3. gary z says:

    Trucks are for haulin’. But like any vehicle there is always the temptation to “improve” it. Me, I don’t have a truck anymore, traded it in on a 2012 Mustang….still haul stuff too. I will admit though I was looking at it the other day thinking of ways to turn it into a Ranchero or would it be a Mustchero, or a Ranchtang? I think I have too much time on my hands, I’m goin’ to my shop.

  4. paul says:

    around 08 a friend of mine was working security at a condo complex that had this same rule. Trucks were not to eb parked on the steet without a temporary pass from the HOA, and cars could not be parked idle for more than 3 days! This complex was gated but was not in an area that would be well thought of or considered expensive at all.

    I’m just surprised anyone even cares. If its registered it can be parked on the street, that is my opinion.

  5. Jerry says:

    @ garyz – someone needs to say it. You said, you have a 2012 Mustang “still haul stuff too.” If you have the performance package, I can say just what you are hauling!

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